Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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