I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
