I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
