I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
