I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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