so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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