Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
