Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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