The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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