Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
