Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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