so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
