It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
