My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
