Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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