Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
