Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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