I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
