haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
