Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
