Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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