she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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