I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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