i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
