It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
