I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
