then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
