i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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