It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I supernannyed him into submission
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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