I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
