I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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