I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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