What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
