and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
