I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
