i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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