Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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