Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
