I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
