saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize