My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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