yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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