Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
