Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she smelled like a LAN party
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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