Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
