I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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