Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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