I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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