Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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