I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
