i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
