playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
