theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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