i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just gift wrapped bread.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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