He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
