my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
