I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
