I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize