The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't deserve a penis
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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