we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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