Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
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This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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