I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
