i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
