Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
