Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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