I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
