Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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