me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Is it because I queefed?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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