K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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