In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Even my vagina gasped.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
