what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
