he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
