I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
