We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
