My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize