Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
