the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He felt like a one man threesome
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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