Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
