Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
