walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
