I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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