I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize