That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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