Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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