and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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