ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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