You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
