just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
