1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
