someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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