I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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