it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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